catch 22

Priority to me is Wesley. To work & be able to create a happy home for us. He is blessed to have two loving parent's & family to surround him with love. However, co-parenting has its complications. It pains me to think- here is my child, the most valuable part of my life & you have to learn to let go & hand him over to the person that you couldn't communicate enough with to have a relationship. Ironic isn't it?

one day

"She began walking again, south towards The Mound. 'Live each day as if it's your last', that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn't practical. Better by far to simply try and be good and courageous and bold and to make a difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Go out there with your passion and your electric typewriter and work hard at... something. Change lives through art maybe. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance. "

Just got done reading "One Day" a novel by David Nicholls. It was so good :)
Coming to a theatre near you SOON
Of course, the book is always, always better, but still! Can't wait!

obviously...

let's talk about the obvious. my blog is been swiped. quite literally how my life was swiped 5 months ago. how dramatic, no? hahaha... no, not really! i resisted deleting my previous post's because it's who i was, how i felt... super overjoyed to have a family! and although i'm still SUPER happy with my beautiful son, my family is just wesley & i -for now- i don't mean for now like, one day his father & i will kiss & make-up & return to being a family -OR- like, i am going out to purposely replace his father! gracious no! it's more like.... lemme see, how could i put this with not sounding completely pathetic... it's more like, i BELIEVE in marriage. it's what i've grown up always wanting. period. so i trust that God will give me that one day. just like that michael buble song "i just haven't met you yet"-- have you heard that song? awww, it's so great! it simply gives me hope. it is EXACTLY how i feel! and when i met "him" (lol) we'll be married (after some serious courtship) and therefore expand my family (the thought of a brother or sister for wes is almost too cute, either mine or not?!) ... and ain't it gonna be all rainbows & butterflies... it's gonna be some hard work. but i am more than willing to work, so we can work it out :) you feel me? 

my family of my son is lovely all on it's own. while i'm lonely most the time but more so the week i am without him... i'm getting by. i'm changing. i can actually feel myself change. it's fabulous! and HARD! and lonely but so rewarding! i'm so BLESSED with a HAPPY & HEALTHY son. which is ALL i could ask for. he is such a joy dude! it's not even funny sometimes!!! (but he is... funny) it's nut's having a son. he is a total toddler. sometimes it's overwhelming. there have been numerous times i have wished i had his father by my side, to sane me, to help me. to be there? but i don't... so i just suck it up and do it alone. and when it's all done, the tantrum, the pain, the day... it's all okay. sometimes i have no idea HOW. but it is. and IT IS... ALL OKAY. but it's not all the hard times that are, hard. it's the good times too. wesley can be SOOOO cute!!! it should flat out be illegal. i didn't even KNOW this much cuteness existed! his laugh is contagious, his smile is golden, his humor is a droll! he is a jolly little boy <3 while i soak it all in & stand proud of my son & him touching his nose & saying thank you, my side stands empty. i hear it will all make me stronger. i don't doubt it, it's just not any easier (yet).

i know i have God's blessing & favor. that is ALL i need to know to get by. what i gather in this "trail" that i'm going through is that it's not usually the hardships i've gone through that cause my problems, its how i respond to my hardships. when i face them, i will try to remind myself that whatever is trying to defeat me COULD very well be what God will use to promote me :)

that's all i got for now & this new chapter of being a single part-time mother (you can't really ever be part-time mom, can you!? it's a FOREVER thing, i just say it for kicks not exactly by choice)